Doesn't life just get better when winter is coming to an end? The sun is out more, and longer! In the morning it is not that difficult to get out of bed and be productive (although today is an exception). I don't have to bundle every piece of my body. My mood is better, feeling optimistic and positive. And those sunbeams….how amazing it feels to feel the warmth against your skin. Time to bring out those sunglasses!
Is there a season that you prefer over another? Or does every season have something good and beautiful about it. I guess thinking about it, I love every season for different reasons. And on that note, I also dislike every season for different reasons. But for me, spring is the perfect season. Temperatures are still alright, you are not sweating every minute when your outside. Yet you don't have to wear gloves and scarves no more. And personally, I find spring the season of renewed hope. You know when in fall, everything kind of 'dies'. All the leafs fall of the trees. And in winter, nothing is really alive or green. But then there is spring time! Trees are finally blooming again. The world is becoming more alive. The people around you are becoming happier. You become happier. Life gets better. Life gets hopeful. For 5 months the weather was cold, rainy and snowy. But like everything in life, after a darker time the sun starts shining. After a couple of hard months, there is new hope. And so it is with the seasons. You have seasons of life, and seasons of weather. But they are strongly relatable.
This semester started out relaxed and not too busy, but the pace is getting faster and faster. This week I have a resit of a difficult exam that I just barely not passed. That is one of the most annoying things, when you only needed like 0.2 points or so to pass. What do you prefer? A barely not pass, that you know that you almost had everything right and you have to study not that much. Although it seems a waste of work and effort that you put into it. Or do you prefer not a pass at all, needing 2-3 points more. Then you know that you need to study, but it might not feel like a waste of time that you put into it, because you were so off on the right answers.
This weekend we went to the forest with our dog and took a long walk. It was so nice and relaxing. Those moments always make me appreciate life and the beautiful nature we get to enjoy. It also makes me aware that there is more to life than college. There is more than passing exams and being a good student, sibling, friend and daughter. I enjoyed every minute of this weekend, and I am feeling so much better. I am always so scared to talk about depression and anxiety when I am starting to feel a little better. Why? Because it seems that every time I talk or write about it, it seems to get worse afterwards. I don't know what that is or means. And I don't like that. But I'm feeling more comfortable, more at ease and in a better mood since January. I don't know what it was, but since two months I am starting to get better. Like really better. And I'm beyond thankful. Because life is good when you can enjoy and live it. And going through rough times makes you so thankful and aware of the life you were given. And every once in a while I get mad. Why me? Why did I have to feel like this. And it makes me scared of the future. What if it happens again? But I know the signs. I can take action, if I dare, as soon as I have to.
I think I have finally found a little bit of a place in this world. You know, I started this blog (girl meets world) when I got overwhelmed with everything. Taking responsibility like finances and college was overwhelming. I was unhappy with my major and was dealing with social anxiety. And how sad I was in September, about moving to the other side of the country to study here, I am becoming alright with it. I have found a little place that makes me happy. I have found friends that, hopefully, will last a lifetime. I joined a sorority and have lovely people around me. I have a major that I really like. I think I have a bright future ahead of me. I hope I do. But right now, I take each day as it comes. I try not to look at next week, because I can still get overwhelmed and anxious. I still have anxiety, and perhaps I carry it with me for the rest of my life. But at least I found a way of dealing with it. I had to accept it before I could move forward with my life and find peace.
And I hope that who reads this can take a little hope out of the things that I write down. You know, life can be overwhelming sometimes. And it is alright to admit that you don't have everything under control but you are trying. Look at me, I had to come a long way to get to the place I am now. It made me stronger and more loving and appreciative. Take each day as it comes, and take good care of yourself.
Love,
Jessica
