Hows life? little update

A lot has happened the past months..heck the past year. As can be read in my previous posts, I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for about six months now. To say six months out loud feels strange. I feel like it's shorter, although it's like I've been unhappy forever.

I can tell that I'm trying my hardest to get out of my depression, but it is harder and takes longer then expected. My anxiety is still high, which is just exhausting. I have been really tired and feeling different compared to the past three months. I'm kind of happy that I have lost around 9 pounds since the new year. Around  6 more and I hit my first goal. But besides from that I have just not been feeling well. I just don't know what is wrong with me. I'm cranky, not really patient and find it so difficult to enjoy life. I have been going on this symptom checker website, and they keep saying depression, anxiety and thyroid problems. I've always been tired and not interested in things, and my blood was tested but nothing ever came out to be causing the problem. Me any my doctor also thought about thyroid issues, but I guess it isn't. And sometimes I feel like my depression gets better, but than I have a huge step back, where I am wondering why I am alive as I feel like I have no purpose. All kind of heavy stuff, but I don't know how to break free from it. My anxiety has been kind of the same I guess, not changing a lot. 

I've looked on the internet for rooms for when I move to the university this summer. Nothing too special came up, or something that would fit me (and financially). And in about a month I get to go on a little vacation to central america, so I'm trying to stay busy focusing on that. 

But I just have to remember; 'there are always flowers for those who want to see them'.

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