New year: what will your book be about?

First of all, happy new year to all. I wanted to write this post earlier, but time was not on my side. I must confess that I couldn't care less about this new years, I was not as excited as I was all the previous years. I guess reality hit me. A new year does not mean that your life is going to change 180 degrees. It does not mean that life will become perfect and those 15 pounds will just come off. But it does mean that you can forget about the past year, and start of fresh. And that is exactly what we should do. 

New pages

I like to see this year as an empty book. I am pretty sure I wrote a thriller/sad depressing book last year. This year I want to write an adventurous romantic novel. Including my happily ever after. This all might sound silly, but it holds some truth. See this year as 365 empty pages. How are you going to fill them? I almost wish I could burn my book (memories) from last year. Unfortunately I cannot, but I can always look back at the state I was in. And so can you. Did you have a great year, good for you. Try to keep it that way, and maybe write an even better story. Was last year not so good for you? Great news, you are writing an completely new story. Try to let go of last years story and start writing your bestseller. 

Expectations & resolutions

I think it is human to make a list of things that we either want to change, stop or start doing. That is all nice, but looking back at all those years, how many Decembers 31st did you count that said: accomplished. Probably not a lot. So my advice for this year: make not more than 3 attainable resolutions. Take a paper, write three down and how you are going to measure them. Want to loose 5 pounds? That is easy to measure. Want to be more kind? That is harder, but can be measured. How do people react to your new attitude? Are they becoming closer to you? Do you make more people smile? Do you want to be more around for your loved ones? Ask them after a while if they noticed a change. Be open about your resolutions, people can support you with them. 

Most important thing is to make your wishes attainable and they should make you a happier and better human being. 

Starting something new

It might also be a good time to start something that you did not do before. Maybe set a challenge for yourself. How about reading atleast one book each month? Or walk 30 minutes 4x a week. They say 21 days makes a habit, so by the end of January you could be used by it. Perhaps eat vegetarian once a week, and fish once a week. Set a goal to talk to a stranger every now and then, or travel to new places. Keep it realistic, and at the end of the year you can check your list. Didn't succeed, don't beat yourself up. We are only human, nowhere near perfect. If there is a fire buring inside you to accomplish your goals, you will.

My resolutions

As you might know from previous readings, last year has been tough for me. Very tough. I am trying to leave that all behind and moving on. Depression can be a cycle, happy-sad-happy-very sad. Although the happy moments are not really happy, it just means I still have some hope. I want to beat that cycle. I am trying to let go of my depression and am slowly starting to become who I used to be. ( I don't want to bore you with all of 10476 emotional states I have been in the past 4 months). 

The first resolution that I started is losing weight. I know, I know....how creative. All I want to say about this: side effect of depression is weight gain. I ate a lot of my emotions away or I didn't eat at all. I am at my highest weight I have ever been, around 147 pounds. It really hurts to see myself in the mirror. I don't even recognize myself in photos, my face is very bloated. I have not been comfortable in my skin because of my weight. I don't want to meet people because I feel fat. I am more than motivated to first go back to 132, and see how I am feeling then. Hopefully I will reach my goal weight of 123 pounds, but I also know that there is no such thing as your ultimate weight. Every pound that I lose will be a new victory for myself. For the past 6 months I have felt like a loser, I couldn't do anything. But I want to stand above that, and be able to prove to myself I am not the pathetic person that my brain created. 

I am thinking to do a post every month on this. Check back on your month and see what you did to accomplish your goal or becoming closer to this. 

Challenge for you

I found something that I want to do this year and I am challenging you to do it as well. The idea is to make a jar or box and write things that happened today or last week. Write it on a small piece of paper and put it in your jar or box. At the end of the year you read them all and reflect on this year. It will make you realize that last year was not as bad as you thought, and you have many things to be grateful for. 

  

Dear you, sitting behind the screen. I hope that you will have the strength to change what you want to be different. That you have the courage to take new chances. That you are supported and loved.  I wish that this year will give you the happiness and love that you deserve. You are beautiful and I hope that you can see that too. I believe in you. 

Much love and courage

Jessica